Oven Mitt

I was reaching into the oven frustrated that the oven mitt was only right handed. Really? Yep I had a blonde moment.

This Is How Rumors Get Started

A true story by Jennifer Hill Straw A friend of mine on Facebook.  Love it Jen.  Thanks for sharing.

Let me begin with an understatement. I am NOT a morning person. Thankfully, my poor morning person husband finds my inability to articulate words or remember anything before 10am, delightfully funny (please God let that last the next 50 years).

To continue the story, Sunday mornings begin really early for me. Me+5:30am=ugly.

So I pulled on this pair of black pants that have always been a bit snug. To add insult to injury (5:30am did I mention that?) they were a little snugger-er…sigh. I’m leaning heavily on my First Year of Marriage and all the stuff you get to get away with. One of them being that you get to gain some weight; I hear it’s like 10 whole pounds! I have not gained that much, or those pants would have laughed at me. I know they would have, because in my weakened morning state, I think I might actually hallucinate. So far, they have only giggled.

I report on the pants to say that I am already going to church with a bit of sensitivity about my current weight. At the 8am service, people were happily wishing me a Happy Mother’s Day and I was enjoying it. At 9:15am everything changed. One dear woman said the words that sent me and my tight pants spinning. She said “Congratulations, I was excited to hear.” I said, “Hear what?” “That you have a baby on the way.” Now honestly my first thought was that my cats are all spayed, so there were no kittens on the way that I knew of. No, seriously! Those were my first thoughts. I could not think of any other possible way that there could be a baby on the way for me. No, I do not need sex education, I said it was morning AND before 10am. I was not running on all cylinders.

Then it hit me! It’s those darn 5 pounds! I look pregnant in these pants! Oh my gosh I still have hours before I can go home and burn them!! All this went through my head in a split second. When she added “When are you due,” I actually looked down at my stomach as if expecting a 9 month old baby to be emerging from it. I was imagining something like the Alien flicks where there really is something emerging from her stomach and goo everywhere. Thankfully, my pudgy little tummy appeared no worse for wear.

After quickly noting that I was not expecting; kittens or otherwise, I did what every brave 5 pound gaining women would do and I hid in the tech booth. Fortunately, I was running sound so I had a reason to be there. Unfortunately, the nature of my job does not leave room for much hiding. After the second person congratulated me on my impending obstetrical encounter, I swore off eating and was pretty much over the whole day (until some woman handed me a flyer with peanut M&M’s attached. Who does that!! Can’t you see I’m hanging by a thread here?!?! Are you TRYING to make me look pregnant???) After my delicious M&M break I felt much better (no emotional eating here!) and started to see the funny side of this…ummm…sort of…

The third person finally added the words that saved my sanity and my black pants. “I saw on Facebook that this is your first Mothers Day, congratulations, when are you due?” You know that scene in Lord of the Rings when everyone is surrounded by Orcs and all hope is lost and Gandalf rides over the hill with light streaming behind him and pouring from his staff? I have lived that moment. “OH!” I cried! That’s why everyone thinks I’m pregnant! Oh thank you God! Its not because I’m getting fat, it’s because I started my own rumor!!

So, to clear up the rumor, may I calmly say thank you for all the well wishes, however, I am not pregnant. My beloved (and widowed) husband came equipped with children. I have three wonderful boys that I gained with no labor, no pushing and no diaper changing and I like it like that! They are 23, 21 and 16 years old and they gave me a great Mother’s Day!

It was my first, ya know

Jennifer Hill Straw

Wrong word

So tonight I sent an email over to my brother and sister in law. I had just watched a really good video sermon on line. It's was about the roles of women. But I didn't type that to them. I typed...."I think it's really good. Rolls of women. I think it's good to watch since you have 4 girls."

This was no pun intended here. OUCH!!!

Mom & Dad

My mom and dad were telling me a story the other day and for some reason I couldn't stop laughing. It may because of how they told it but I asked if I could share it and they said yes.

They were on a road trip and my mom usually packs snacks and good things to eat. Well they stopped for gas and my mom jumped out of the car and took a banana with her. As she was pealing it they both were waiting in anticipation of eating this banana. It looks super good. She walked over to the trash can and threw the banana away and kept the peal. Both of their mouths dropped open and they were sad. :( CLASSIC!!!

Tip on how to NOT clean your kitchen floor

Here is a way to clean your kitchen floors when not intended. Fill a shallow pan with water and walk across the kitchen floor. See how far you will make it without having to wash or mop up your floor. It’s so fun and trilling. The best is to try when you are in a hurry. This makes for an extra challenge.

UGH!! Yes I did not make this up. It happened to me. What a mess! I'm just glad it was only water.

Slipping

Sorry people I have been slipping in posting funny moments these past few months. Trust me they are still happening. I have many of them written down on a piece of paper but they just have not made it to this blog. Soon soon!!

If you have anything funny to share please pass it along.

What Are People Thinking!! LOLOLOLOLOLOL!!! (Bad Language ALERT!)

This is funny. What people come up with these days. *this video does have some bad language.