OOOPS Did I Do That?

Oven Mitt

2011-06-24T00:13:00.000-05:00

I was reaching into the oven frustrated that the oven mitt was only right handed. Really? Yep I had a blonde moment.

This Is How Rumors Get Started

2011-05-09T15:14:00.000-05:00

A true story by Jennifer Hill Straw A friend of mine on Facebook. Love it Jen. Thanks for sharing.

Let me begin with an understatement. I am NOT a morning person. Thankfully, my poor morning person husband finds my inability to articulate words or remember anything before 10am, delightfully funny (please God let that last the next 50 years).

To continue the story, Sunday mornings begin really early for me. Me+5:30am=ugly.

So I pulled on this pair of black pants that have always been a bit snug. To add insult to injury (5:30am did I mention that?) they were a little snugger-er…sigh. I’m leaning heavily on my First Year of Marriage and all the stuff you get to get away with. One of them being that you get to gain some weight; I hear it’s like 10 whole pounds! I have not gained that much, or those pants would have laughed at me. I know they would have, because in my weakened morning state, I think I might actually hallucinate. So far, they have only giggled.

I report on the pants to say that I am already going to church with a bit of sensitivity about my current weight. At the 8am service, people were happily wishing me a Happy Mother’s Day and I was enjoying it. At 9:15am everything changed. One dear woman said the words that sent me and my tight pants spinning. She said “Congratulations, I was excited to hear.” I said, “Hear what?” “That you have a baby on the way.” Now honestly my first thought was that my cats are all spayed, so there were no kittens on the way that I knew of. No, seriously! Those were my first thoughts. I could not think of any other possible way that there could be a baby on the way for me. No, I do not need sex education, I said it was morning AND before 10am. I was not running on all cylinders.

Then it hit me! It’s those darn 5 pounds! I look pregnant in these pants! Oh my gosh I still have hours before I can go home and burn them!! All this went through my head in a split second. When she added “When are you due,” I actually looked down at my stomach as if expecting a 9 month old baby to be emerging from it. I was imagining something like the Alien flicks where there really is something emerging from her stomach and goo everywhere. Thankfully, my pudgy little tummy appeared no worse for wear.

After quickly noting that I was not expecting; kittens or otherwise, I did what every brave 5 pound gaining women would do and I hid in the tech booth. Fortunately, I was running sound so I had a reason to be there. Unfortunately, the nature of my job does not leave room for much hiding. After the second person congratulated me on my impending obstetrical encounter, I swore off eating and was pretty much over the whole day (until some woman handed me a flyer with peanut M&M’s attached. Who does that!! Can’t you see I’m hanging by a thread here?!?! Are you TRYING to make me look pregnant???) After my delicious M&M break I felt much better (no emotional eating here!) and started to see the funny side of this…ummm…sort of…

The third person finally added the words that saved my sanity and my black pants. “I saw on Facebook that this is your first Mothers Day, congratulations, when are you due?” You know that scene in Lord of the Rings when everyone is surrounded by Orcs and all hope is lost and Gandalf rides over the hill with light streaming behind him and pouring from his staff? I have lived that moment. “OH!” I cried! That’s why everyone thinks I’m pregnant! Oh thank you God! Its not because I’m getting fat, it’s because I started my own rumor!!

So, to clear up the rumor, may I calmly say thank you for all the well wishes, however, I am not pregnant. My beloved (and widowed) husband came equipped with children. I have three wonderful boys that I gained with no labor, no pushing and no diaper changing and I like it like that! They are 23, 21 and 16 years old and they gave me a great Mother’s Day!

It was my first, ya know

Jennifer Hill Straw

Wrong word

2011-02-21T18:07:00.000-06:00

So tonight I sent an email over to my brother and sister in law. I had just watched a really good video sermon on line. It's was about the roles of women. But I didn't type that to them. I typed...."I think it's really good. Rolls of women. I think it's good to watch since you have 4 girls."

This was no pun intended here. OUCH!!!

Mom & Dad

2011-02-19T19:57:00.000-06:00

My mom and dad were telling me a story the other day and for some reason I couldn't stop laughing. It may because of how they told it but I asked if I could share it and they said yes.

They were on a road trip and my mom usually packs snacks and good things to eat. Well they stopped for gas and my mom jumped out of the car and took a banana with her. As she was pealing it they both were waiting in anticipation of eating this banana. It looks super good. She walked over to the trash can and threw the banana away and kept the peal. Both of their mouths dropped open and they were sad. :( CLASSIC!!!

Tip on how to NOT clean your kitchen floor

2011-02-15T11:14:00.001-06:00

Here is a way to clean your kitchen floors when not intended. Fill a shallow pan with water and walk across the kitchen floor. See how far you will make it without having to wash or mop up your floor. It’s so fun and trilling. The best is to try when you are in a hurry. This makes for an extra challenge.

UGH!! Yes I did not make this up. It happened to me. What a mess! I'm just glad it was only water.

Slipping

2010-10-10T16:07:00.000-05:00

Sorry people I have been slipping in posting funny moments these past few months. Trust me they are still happening. I have many of them written down on a piece of paper but they just have not made it to this blog. Soon soon!!

If you have anything funny to share please pass it along.

What Are People Thinking!! LOLOLOLOLOLOL!!! (Bad Language ALERT!)

2010-10-10T15:47:00.003-05:00

This is funny. What people come up with these days. *this video does have some bad language.

Sturgis Free Bike Wash 2010

2010-09-22T21:24:00.001-05:00

This is a promo video from the Sturgis Free Bike Wash Mission Trip 2010.

This is Cute

2010-06-23T10:46:00.002-05:00

Shane & Shane making fun of David Crowder

2010-05-26T16:54:00.000-05:00

Sunday Morning movie trailer

2010-05-10T20:06:00.000-05:00

This video is funny and sad all at the sametime. It's ment to be funny but I find myself a little sad in how true it actually is.

"Sunday's Coming" Movie Trailer from North Point Media on Vimeo.

Change Anyone?

2010-04-29T22:14:00.001-05:00

Today I was getting ready to go on a weekend retreat and I thought it would be nice to bake some cookies for everyone. Most of the ingredients I had, but not all. Not wanting to spend any money I decided to dump out my change jar and take that to the store. Most stores these days have one of these machines you can dump your change into and it gives you a receipt of how much you dumped into the machine and then you can use that to buy your items. Thinking I would be able to use that great invention at the store so away I went with a very heavy purse. Upon entering the store I immediately started looking for this change machine thing. Well it was just my luck this store did not have one of these machines. Now what? As I walked around grabbing the few things on my list I began calculating what to do with this change. I decided that if worse came to worse I could swipe my debt card and put the change into the bank tomorrow. Walking up to the checkout lines I noticed that the self serve lines were completely empty. This is something I have never seen before at this busy store. So, I decided to picked the checkout right in front of the helper people that stand there…staring at you. What Was I Thinking?!? My total came to 15 dollars and some odd cents. Looking up and around I noticed that I was still all alone in the self checkout lines. So I put my purse down and selected cash for my payment. Yep, I started adding my money in one coin at a time. At first I felt very self conscience but, no one else was in line so I was not holding anyone up. Quarter, quarter, dime, quarter, nickel, dime, dime...does this thing take pennies? I better not try just in case it goofs things up. Keep feeding, keep feeding, keep feeding…. All of a sudden I started to get the giggles and I couldn’t stop. Now this is not what I wanted to happen. I had already drawn attention to myself by paying my entire bill with change and now I am giggling…all by myself…oh and ….right in front of the helper people who might now be wondering what I am on. Oh the joy of doing something different. I left the store so full of joy I could hardly contain it. If this is a prelude to this weekend retreat…Bring It On Lord!!!

Married People Take Note...Single People, Laugh With Me ;)

2010-04-29T20:52:00.005-05:00

I saw this posting on Yahoo and well...I had to laugh. I am glad I am not alone in the single world.

Things NOT to say to single people.

ARTICLE BELOW IS A POSTING FROM YAHOO

As a writer, I avoid cliches like the plague...HAHA! But seriously, cliches are old, tired, and they show absolutely no thought. I mean, do I make you read that some guy's skin was as white as snow? No. It's a major insult to your intellect. So when I have to hear a cliche or overused saying in the real world, as a response to my newly single status or some other dating dilemma, it's offensive and frustrating."

Why do we have so many sayings and maxims for dating? A single gal is likely to get slammed with them ad nauseam as soon as she expresses any unhappiness at her situation.

Since we could all use a good laugh, I asked some friends and Twitter followers to send in their most hated adages. I know you've heard them all before, but I just couldn't believe how many there were! Here's a tiny compilation. Enjoy -- today, they're not directed at you!

It happens when you're not looking. "This is just bull. Some people find people when they're looking; some don't. You're not doing anything wrong by going out and meeting people." -Beth

There are plenty of fish in the sea. "I dated a guy whose last name was Fish. People just had a BLAST with that one." -Kelly

So, why are you single? "I generally dislike this question. I mean honestly, if I knew why, I don't think I would be single right now, now would I?!" -Erica

You're too picky. "This may be true, but it feels like I'm getting criticized for my taste, vision, and close-mindedness -- when I'm already down." -Sarah

You'll find the right person for you. -Kelly

He's out there. -Kelly

It was just bad timing. "Like it's so easy to dismiss a guy on such an emotionless and objective reason." -Taryn

Just have fun with it! "Um, don't tell me how to date in my thirties when you got married at 24." -Maya

Have you tried online dating? "Duh!" -Elisa

He just wasn't the right guy for you. "I know! That's what I'm complaining about!" - Elisa

Well, when Steve and I first got together... "Wait, I still want to talk about me." -Elisa

When the time is right, you will meet someone -Betsy

Wow, I wish I were single and in your shoes! "Really?! I'm pretty sure you CAN be single if you actually want to be. That there is an attainable dream, so if you aren't messing with me right now out of pity (which I suspect you are), please go for it!" -Kim

Your turn next [at weddings]. -Natlondon, via Twitter

It will happen when you least expect it. -dlegas05, via Twitter

Some guy is going to come along and ruin your career/life plans. "I am 32 and no one has ruined the last 10 years of plans." -frolicblog, via Twitter

But you're so pretty! Why don't you have a boyfriend? "There's just no graceful way to answer that." -earnesteats, via Twitter

It just wasn't meant to be. "Any of these platitudes are exponentially more annoying when coming from the mouths of smug marrieds." -Reberoodle, via Twitter

Sure, Steve rescues kids from abusive homes, donated my sister a kidney, and picks up fresh flowers for me daily on his way home from work, but will he QUIT IT with the sports on TV already? "Single people just hate to be complained to about petty relationship stuff. If you do this, I'm not going to want to hang out with you. (In fact, maybe I'll call Steve and ask him if he wants to watch the Yankees game?)" -Kim

Bottom line, if you're in a relationship or married and you don't have any specific, original advice or wisdom for your single friend -- and you must use an established saying -- we would prefer to hear neutral ones like, "This too shall pass" or "Take it one day at a time." They are so much more helpful and comforting -- you have no idea!

Also of note: not one person I polled mentioned they were tired of hearing, "He's just not that into you." I think that's because it's not condescending. And apparently, it's not overused. So that one is still OK to say. Thanks for listening!

Pearly Whites

2010-04-27T19:14:00.002-05:00

The other day I was helping my friend Cindy at a Benefit sale. We were getting all the items set up and ready for the next day’s sale. Lunch time came and so I took a quick break and ate something with a few others in the kitchen. I didn’t know many of the people who were helping out so I thought it was a good opportunity to ask them questions. It was a nice time getting to know these people. We did a lot of laughing and smiling. Now that I had a little friendship going with them I was able to talk and enjoy their company a little bit more through the rest of the day. A few hours later some others decided to take a late lunch break. I realized it was my opportunity to eat some of the wonderful white on white cake I saw earlier. This is my favorite kind of cake. Cindy was also taking a break at this time and so I walked up to her to see how she was doing. Giving her a big smile …..she pointed!! At my TEETH!! I had this black thing stuck in my teeth. ARE YOU KIDDING ME!! This thing had been in my teeth for at least 2 hours and no one I showed my pearly whites to said anything. People people…if you see someone with a booger, something on their face or in their teeth..be kind..be very kind…tell them! lol!!

Mirror Mirror

2010-04-26T16:11:00.001-05:00

Yesterday a friend and I went to visit another friend in the hospital. On my way I bought a frappe…yum! I also stopped at two stores to find a nice cheery plant and a helium balloon so we could cheer her room up a little. We all had a nice time and the friend in the hospital was doing well. Before we left our friend asked us to walk with her. We said yes and a way we went. We passed a restroom and since I had to go I took the opportunity. As I was washing my hands I looked up and to my surprise and udder horror I had chocolate on my chin. A Lot Of It!!! Are You Kidding Me!! I opened the bathroom door pointed at my chin and said something like “And you didn’t notice this?” Mortified all I could do was laugh and remember that I had gone into two stores and walked around like that. Now I know why people were looking at me kind of strangely…NICE! Both my friends said they saw it but they thought I had scratched my chin and didn’t want me to feel stupid by asking what happened….UGH!! THE HORROR!!! LOL!! We laughed about that the entire rest of our walk. Note To Self: Check the mirror before leaving car. Your friends might be to nice in asking what's wrong with your face.

Cake and BIG OOPS!!

2010-04-19T18:40:00.003-05:00

The Jar

2010-04-09T15:19:00.002-05:00

Okay this might sound sad to some of you but…I have this jar that is filled with folded pieces of paper. What’s on the paper? My chores. I had been struggling with getting things done around the house and I thought there had to be a better way of cleaning. Yes being single, no kids or roommates one does struggle to keep things clean. Just remember us single people have no choice but to do it all with no help. And yes I also understand I am the only one to blame for it to be a mess. Now back to the story…Tired of the weekend warrior clean everything I can day, I created the chore jar. Every day I pull out a piece of paper and do that chore and put the finished chore into a different jar. It’s been working out great. I have 7 chores that I would like to do weekly so this idea was actually a good one. But I decided to add one more…the Free Day Pass!! One day I don’t have to do anything. Today, I picked and put back the chores until I found that free pass. Ahhhh it feels so good to accomplish my cleaning goal for the day.

The Joy of "Paper"

2010-04-08T20:27:00.000-05:00

The other day as I was out and about and I needed to use the restroom. I sat down finished my “stuff” and reached for the paper. NO!!!!!!!!!!! It was empty. Now what to do? No one else was in the bathroom so I couldn’t yell to anyone. A little panic set in. Out of desperation, I once again examined the paper dispenser. Hallelujah! There was and extra roll tucked away that I didn’t see the first time. Oh the wonders of toilet paper. Lesson to learn: Make sure to have Kleenex in purse.

Wedding Gone Wrong

2010-03-27T16:04:00.001-05:00

Someone would have to die I think. OH MY!

Fatherly Advice

2010-03-18T21:55:00.000-05:00

“What is that smell? You stink!” My dad exclaimed as we were driving down the road. I look at him in shock. “What? I just took a shower. It’s not me, you’re the one who was working outside before we left, it’s you?” We went on like this for a few minutes until I realized it was me. Oh the horror!! I asked my dad to smell my hand to see if that’s what he smelt. He said “Oh my word yes. What is that?” I started laughing because right before we left, I cut fresh garlic. He turned to me and said, “A word of advice, don’t cut fresh garlic before you go out on a date unless you want to repel the guy.” Oh my gosh did we ever laugh about that for a very long time. But then it got me thinking...could this be my problem? EEK! I don’t even want to know.

Cleanse

2010-03-18T00:54:00.003-05:00

I have this friend who is doing a cleanse. It seemed interesting to me. So I checked it out and got all the stuff for this amazing natural cleanse. It didn’t seem like it was going to be that bad. I found the instructions on line. They call it the Lemon Cleanse. Sounds good hu? Well………I tried to do the first part which was sea salt in warm water. Not just a little water and salt, a whole lot!! One quart of warm water with 2 teaspoons of salt. It really didn’t sound that bad until I actually tried it. I couldn’t even get past one drink. No way no how am I going to put myself through that. YUCK! If you are interested in a really good natural cleanse here’s the link. Let me know how it worked for you…or not.

http://falconblanco.com/health/cleansing/lemoncleanse.htm

Sleepy

2010-03-11T15:50:00.000-06:00

Last night as I was trying to sleep I heard this loud THUMP. I looked over and my cat had fallen out of the bed. She looked at me like “what the heck just happened”? I think she was still asleep. She meowed this little meow at me and then slowly jumped back up onto the bed. Then only a few minutes later I rolled over right on top of her. I quickly rolled the other way and she never moved. LOL!!! I guess she was still sleeping.

The Noise

2010-03-08T17:10:00.004-06:00

I have been in this house since last November. This should be a long enough time to know all the noises and sounds that it makes throughout a day. My parents happened to be here this past weekend. It’s always great to have them visit. I get my exercise following them around and shutting off all the lights they like to leave on. But that is another story.

We were all tucked in our beds trying to go to sleep. It was pretty late and as usual I was staring at the ceiling hoping my body would soon call it quits and go to bed. When all of a sudden I heard something I have not heard before. It was really hard to make out. I was envisioning a leak in the ceiling, maybe a little creature. My mind was defiantly wandering and wondering. Pfpfpfpfpfpfpfffff……pfpfpfppfpfpfpfffffff…pfpfpffpfpfffffff. Oh gosh! It’s dad snoring. But then I heard something else. Hmnnmmh….hmnmmmh. LOL!! This time it was my mom talking in her sleep. Man those two are noisy sleepers. Note to self. Buy ear plugs for when parents are visiting.

You Look Like A Movie Star

2010-03-01T21:08:00.004-06:00

*names and actual events have been slightly changed to protect the innocent.*

Several years ago I was set up on a blind date. Which happens too much in my life. Maybe I should stop saying yes. I was told he looked like a movie star (who was cute), had a good job, was a Christian and loved music. They believed they had found the perfect match for me. Reluctantly I accepted the invitation for lunch at a local restaurant. Sooooooooo….When he arrived I wanted to hide, pretend I was Olga or someone else, anyone else. MOVIE STAR??? Who were they kidding? Okay I will give them….Mr. Rogers! He even had the sweater. Oh brother! He was not the cute actor they had described to me. Good thing he was a good conversationalist. Well maybe I should reword that. He loved to talk. Talk and talk and talk about himself and his work. This actually would have been okay since his work and what I did kind of worked together. What really happened was he stated a few views he had about theology, God and views about the church. This was not going to work. Did he know who he was talking too? To me he sounded like someone from the 1950’s and I have no place in that world especially in the church leadership world. Oh I get the look of Mr. Rogers. I just wanted out and fast. He excused himself to use the restroom and sad to say I did entertain the idea of running. But what happened is classic. As I was planning my exit strategy the waiter and I started talking and hit it off. He was a musician and yada yada yada…he was interesting, seemed fun, exciting, sure of himself AND he was no movie star but he was still good looking. My date finally made it back to the table and the brutal date continued. To my surprise, not really, the waiter kept coming over and checking on us more than before. My date did not approve of this much. To him this waiter was interrupting quality time with this potential girlfriend and his long winded, boring, who cares what he’s talking about stories anyway. Ugh! My date finally spoke up. “Do you mind? We are on a date here!” I pressed my lips together and bit my tongue so hard just to keep myself from laughing. The waiter apologized and walked away but not without laughing quietly out of sight to my date but trying to get me to laugh. So sad…that was the highlight of this date. When we left if was even more awkward. The final question and statement of every date always seems to happen no matter what and always a response is anticipated by the asker, “When would you want to go out again?” or “We should do this again soon.” I just wanted to scream. NO! I’m Done! I’m Outta Here!! I wish I could remember what exactly I said because I’m sure it was the dumbest thing ever. “We’ll see. Call me and we can figure it out later.” Which is really the equivalent of “ _ ell NO! and if you call I will screen it and not answer.” I know it’s low. But when it comes to bad dates, honesty is not my best attribute. I don’t want to hurt the guy. Don’t you think that he would have picked up on the awkward silences, the lack of talking with him, flirting with the waiter, lack of eye contact etc. Why O why would he then ask the question “when would you want to go out again?”.

To those who are wondering. The waiter and I never exchanged numbers.

Crazy Frog

2010-02-27T15:35:00.001-06:00

Yes I like the Crazy Frog. His name is annoying...I love that! :) Enjoy.
Crazy Frog

Clean Up On Aisle Nine

2010-02-24T17:21:00.001-06:00

Talking on the phone, having a great conversation, then it hit!! Mother nature. Gotta go gotta go gotta go NOW!! And the person you are chatting with is loooooooooong winded. What to do? Do you put the phone on mute and hope for the best? Keep dancing and hope that the conversation ends soon? I waited and almost needed to change myself…but I made it A Okay.

To Tuck or Not To Tuck

2010-02-21T16:15:00.001-06:00

This morning I woke up with the sheet that is supposed to be laying on top of my body, completely wrapped around my head!! Not just a section but the whole thing. This should almost be unheard of since I am a tucker. I tuck my sheets in at the bottom of the mattress. Usually it takes a ton of effort for me to dislodge the sheet from the mattress. You see, I started tucking awhile back because my sheet and sometimes my blankets would usually find their way onto the floor. I know what does that say about how I sleep? I definitely don’t stay in one place. So tucking my sheets seemed to really help…until last night. Around my head, COME ON!! The other crazy thing about this is that the comforter was fine. It was all straight and flat as if there was nothing wrong. What in the world was I dreaming about last night. Crazy I tell you.

Foot Insert Mouth

2010-02-20T18:35:00.001-06:00

Have you ever been talking and you know you should back out of what you are saying? But for some reason you decide to keep talking and it just gets worse and worse. This weekend I was leading worship at a workshop. There were many people I don’t know. This lends to many awkward conversations. Try as hard as I can it always seems to happen. At some point in the conversation I hear this voice in my head…Okay it’s time to stop…be quiet…you are sounding like you had a few to many before you came here...now you did it. All I can say is this weekend I had many many moments of saying the wrong things and needing to get out or just shut up, but I kept talking. I know you have been there too. Why do we do this to ourselves? All I can say is these moments keep our lives interesting. Without them life would be boring.

Confined to My Room

2010-02-20T01:49:00.000-06:00

So I have house guests tonight. I love having people over but...because I am such a night owl I am confined to my room. I hate keeping others up just because I don't sleep. I just thought it was funny.

Loving a Carnivore

2010-02-19T00:35:00.001-06:00

I noticed that my cat was not eating a few weeks back. It concerned me a little bit. So I was watched her wondering if she was getting skinnier, watching for any signs of sickness. WELL…Let’s just say she was definitely not going hungry. For that week she was mouse hunting and being very good at it. YUCK!!! Ugh!! The thought of my cute cuddly soft cat eating this gross yucky mouse made it hard for me to look at her the same way…lol!! I know that’s what cats do but for as long as I have had her I never noticed her mousing before. I will get over it and in a way I already have. I just hope she doesn’t start bringing me these little presents. I would have to draw a line.

Big Bad Ice

2010-02-17T15:09:00.002-06:00

As I was leaving my house the other day it had just lightly snowed and it was beautiful outside. Everything was white and very sparkly. With my arms loaded, I opened the gate with great difficulty and before I knew it my legs started going this way and that way. I thought oh my word I’m going to die….or just break one of my legs. So I pulled my legs together as fast I could and this caused my left leg to roll right under me. Before I knew it I was sailing down the steps on one knee. As I hit the bottom all that was running through my head was…oh my gosh I wonder who saw that and I began to laugh hysterically but also trying not to cause any more to this scene. There was nothing else I could do. The ice was so slippery I could barely stand up. My pants were soaked. I thought about changing them but… first, I was already running late and second, I didn’t want to chance those amazingly slippery steps again. Knowing my drive was a little on the long side I gave it a chance that my pants would be dry by the time I arrived to my destination. I was correct and I had a lovely evening…..
until I had to walk back up the steps. I didn't quite fall but it was sure interesting.

Worship Leaders Nightmare

2010-02-17T14:38:00.001-06:00

This video does not have sound but it's still funny! I'm just glad this wasn't me.

NEW

2010-02-17T14:06:00.000-06:00

This Blog is under new managment. :) Changes coming soon.